


are we human

by passingfascination



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Drabble, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, i wrote this at 6:44 am after a panic attack, mentioned Morty Smith, mentioned Rick Sanchez, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/passingfascination/pseuds/passingfascination
Summary: Ford is alive - although he wonders if he wants to be. He knows he doesn't deserve to be.





	are we human

**Author's Note:**

> i had a panic attack for no reason and decided to write this. i intended for it to be longer but i finally got tired and decided to go to sleep so whatever.

Amazingly, Ford muses, he has made it through another night. 

Another night of guilt knawing at his insides, threatening to consume him entirely as he is tossed into a sea of memories, each and every one reminding him that he does not deserve to be alive. He does not deserve to be here, in this house, surrounded by these people who not only accept him but _love_ him. He sees the adoration in Mason's eyes - an adoration that he recognizes for what it is (sick) and cannot help but feel unadulterated joy at receiving. 

Sickness runs in the family, it seems. 

No matter how elated he is to receive human affection, Ford refuses to cross _that_ line with Dipper. The boy is far too young, and far too naïve - it would be cruel to allow him a taste of the attention and validation he so desperately craved, only to inevitably tear it away. Doing so would make him as neurotic and mixed up as Rick's apprentice (Ford kicks himself for not being able to remember his name), and Dipper was anxious as it was. It wouldn't do to add to that. Besides - Stanley cared for the boy, and it was Stanley who Ford would do anything for. He owes him that much. 

After the deafening silence of the night has ended, and the optimistic chirping of the Gravity Falls birds has begun, Ford feels the tightness in his throat let up. He can breathe again. It's a new day, he thinks, scrubbing his hands over his face before lacing them through his hair and pulling hard enough to hurt. He is still alive, and that means that he has a job to do. There is no time for self pity, no time for guilt that he does not deserve in the first place. One breath, then another, until the empty cavity in his chest begins to feel less unbearable and more passive, like a mosquito bite that has mostly healed. 

Yes, he has made it through another night, and he isn't sure whether he feels grateful or disappointed.


End file.
